I Want to Set Free
Many years have passed by but his attitude never changed and it will always be the same. I have been abuse both physically and emotionally.
My family and friends try to talk me to stop this relationship.They explain to me that this relationship is not good for me and he will make me suffer and miserable. I try to convince myself that it was part of the challenge in our relationship.
I’m trying to understand him because I want and I know I could change him. But that is not what happened to me.
We have this very long relationship and I know what kind of person he is from the very start. He controls me I must do what he wants. If I go to party he was the first person should to know first and I have to get his permission before I go. We argue and fight a lot even it was only a small matter. Because of a lot of fight, he was abusing me physically. Even in public he won’t hesitate to embarrass me in front of my friends. There is one time that he dragged me through his car in front of my friends. Luckily my friend grabbed me and takes me away. My friend told me that I should end this relationship. I called him and told him that we can’t continue this relationship. I heard him in the other line that he was crying and he was saying sorry to me. He made a promise that he won’t do it again and he asked if we could meet up to settle this matter between us. Because I was too naïve I gave him another chance to change and I know people could change.
After three months we have this good relationship and he was sticking to his promise. But the arguing is still there but he was not abusing me anymore. Until he proposed to me and I gladly accepted it. After our marriage I was so happy because we could finally have a wife and husband relationship. A dream of having a relationship filled with love and care. My expectation that he was really change to a new person.
Sometimes expectation won’t last. We have this big fight and maybe he can’t take the pressure and hit me. But that abusing don’t stop there, whenever we fight he always take a hit on me. It leaves scars and bruises in my body.
To the point I want to give up because I realize that this relationship is not healthy anymore. I have to get away and start a new life with my own. I deserve to be respect and to be love. The hesitation is still there because we are married. I am still confuse of what should I do, what is the first step should I take. I need help who I should go first. I should go to my family or friends? Should I really need the help of the professional?
I hope this mess in my life will fade away and continue my life with a great smile in my face.